so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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