On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
