Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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