On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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