you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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