my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
