he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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