wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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