your thong is hanging out like whoa
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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