he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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