Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have already put on my inside pants.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
