i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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