You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
