hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
How's work?
Spinning.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
