dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
