so let's talk penis.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
