he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
