Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
