so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
