you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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