My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize