I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize