Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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