sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
