my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
