Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
