remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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