dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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