I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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