dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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