"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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