WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
