you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
