miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
