I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
