If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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