You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
