So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
