Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
