i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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