i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My feet surprised me
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