nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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