Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
