never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Randomize
