fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
