just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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