Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
