just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize