If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
