just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i think i just lost a toe
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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