just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
