the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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