the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
