just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Randomize