I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
