So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
