I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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