Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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