do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
