At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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