it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
