sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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