Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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