I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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