It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
