I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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