while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
