my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
